Bud Light

Tastes like a beer that someone already threw up.

Is like a liquid John Mayer song.

It tastes like the flat soda that a homeless guy used to rinse off birds.

You mean the beer that tastes like water strained from a gutter full of dogs teeth?

Tastes like the scared urine of a rabbit.

It’s like Steven Segal’s pre-cum.

If a nickel could urniate, it would taste like Bud Light.

Tastes like the ghost of a dead lemon.

It’s basically like if water could go bad.

It tastes like if a raccoon ejaculated carbonated vinegar inside of an old log.

Tastes like butter churned by Boko Haram.

It’s like someone drank a good Mexican beer and pissed in this bottle.

It’s like a cloud rained the tears of a sick child.

It’s like making a tea out of dipping Scott Caan’s balls in water.

Tastes like all the used bronzer in Wildwood, NJ.

It tastes like Robert Durst’s aquarium.

It tastes like antifreeze that’s been filtered through a used yoga mat.

It tastes like ISIS attacked your taste buds.

You know the disappointment that your parents feel for you still working in this job? That’s what Bud Light tastes like.